Recently I have had this feeling in me that makes it hard to be away from you. It feels as if something bad will happen to you if I'm not right there protecting you. It scares me and makes me angry at the same time. I just want to go sleep next to your crib again :) or not go to sleep at all.
I don't know if its due to Halloween or your aunt telling me these horrible news stories.. but it has gotten to me bad! I'm constantly checking on you and hoping you are alive, unhurt, breathing normally, and sleeping.. if you are awake I need to keep you in my vision, even if daddy or papa are right there also....
I'm hoping this will pass... but honestly I don't care. There is so much evil in the world and who knows how close to home it is.. but if I have to watch you to keep you safe or at least until this feeling goes away.. then so be it.
I know I know.. I sound crazy.. but if I were to describe my dreams recently.. I think it would terrify anyone! Especially since you are in them!
Moving on..........
I am loving watching you grow my baby girl. It is amazing watching you while you think about things. How something works or how to grab something and still stand or when you think about walking and then decide its faster to crawl..... you just get this look on your face that I wish I could capture on film... oh man have I tried but you always look away! It just makes my day to see you smile or laugh really hard! Daddy can get you to laugh like that. He can also get you to 'brush' your hair... just say 'so pretty' and put a brush in your hand and off you go brushing the side/back of your head. Makes me think of your hair.... oh my goodness Ella Grace you are going to have the most beautiful hair!! It is such a pretty light to medium brown hair with curls!! It's going to be curly! I will love it! You will hate it most likely.. just like me.. but then again maybe you won't. You will have curly hair right away.. rather than like your momma. Mommy's hair turned curly in 8th-10th grade.. dang puberty! That's a whole other story though.. and we are not going there anytime soon!
You took your first step in Texas.. that was fun because only mommy was there to see it! It made me feel special! You took your first REAL steps about 2 weeks ago.. again as soon as I turn the video camera on you drop to your knees... but every day you take more and more steps.. your 'high score' is 8 steps in a row! But you do so many steps throughout the day.. just not all at one time. We all know you can do it.. but you would just rather crawl and that's ok with me. I'll just be waiting, and I'm sure you'll start walking just as soon as you realize you can run.. walking will probably be bypassed.
We have a new nickname for you and please don't take offense! You are our little terrorist! Why do you say? Well just look at the house! Your room has books and new diapers ALL over it! The bathroom has your bath toys ALL over it! The living/dining room has your toys, books, stuffed animals, movies.. ALL over it! The kitchen even has packaged food (specifically string cheese), pans, spoons, and your cups ALL over it! We can't leave a laundry basket around you.. no matter it being clean, dirty, folded, not folded.. if you see it.. you just HAVE to go and pull EVERYTHING out of it. Seriously though... it is so fun to watch. I may follow you around most the day picking up things you left and sometimes I leave it all there to show daddy 'what you did today' haha
Speaking of daddy.. he is over the moon with you. You should see the love in his eyes whenever your name is even mentioned. And the fact that you craw/walk/bounce to him pretty much whenever he gets home makes his work day worth it. Thank you Ella for finally letting daddy in our little circle.
You had two new things in the past week.. you got to wear your new pink coat that papa got you in Arizona and you got to pick out your pumpkin with papa!
Love you forever and always,
mama
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