9 months

Oh Miss Ella...

Yet another month has gone by and my how you've changed!  You are getting so freaking tall and skinny!  My Ella is not skinny yet here you are.. stretching out.. therefore less major rolls.. but still some small ones :)

You got another tooth!  Which honestly made for some LOOONG hours.. I swear I could tell you the minute it broke through.. and another is still on its way I believe.  It is so exciting seeing these changes.. it means you are growing up!  My dreams are coming true in watching you grow up.

The past couple weeks have been challenging for me and you though.  For some unknown reason.. I have been getting frustrated at the drop of a hat.  Its only at bedtime and it only happens when you decide its NOT bedtime.. after being basically asleep for 5-10minutes.  Then I'd take her into your room and rock you and you would cry :( so I'd set you in your crib and daddy would come get you and put you to sleep because all of a sudden I was too frustrated and I couldn't calm down.  This happened like every night for 10 days.  Not sure why it happened to either of us.  However.. I spoke to a friend and told her about this and she reassured me that its ok and I'm not a bad mom and it happens.  And you know what my ella?  We haven't had an issue since!  So thank you Kristin!

Now you know that mommy gets irritated pretty easily sometimes... turns out.. so do you! ha!  poor daddy... he is gonna have both of us to put up with :)  secretly I think he loves it!  Who wouldn't?  (I am currently imagining you being older and us talking about this and we give each other a conspiratorial smirk.. oh poor daddy) anyway.. my hope is to not just be your parent miss ella but to be your friend.

I want to always be there for you and protect and play and have you confide in me for always and forever.  Now don't get me wrong.. I will let you make mistakes and suffer the consequences because its important.  But don't be scared to tell me how you feel about the mistakes, the consequences, and everything inbetween.  I want you to have fun in life and I want you to be outgoing and courageous.  (I think you already are.. I'm remember earlier today when I turned around and found you climbing to a stand at the wall.. literally the wall and once you get to stand what do you do?... you let go with both hands and bang on the wall.. yes you have courage and luckily balance since you didn't fall)

So, you prefer me at the moment.. generally.  And I love it and daddy hates it.  I keep telling him.. until recently.. that you will prefer him more soon because I will probably be more so the disciplinarian.  I thought this because I am to the dogs.. but.. I'm not so sure anymore.  When he would go into your room to try to get you to sleep when mommy was to frustrated.. he did what I am 'supposed' to do.. which is let you cry a bit if we can't get you calmed down.  And it works for him every time!!!! Which makes it more frustrating because I can't get you to calm down AND i can't listen to you cry.  He tells me just let her cry for a bit.  Its normal.  Shes not hurt.. shes just tired.  And I know he's right my baby ella.. but man is it hard.  Which brings me back to my original point.. I dont know if I can discipline you.  I'd rather reason :)  maybe we can just be good until you understand reasoning?

On another note.. please be nice to the puppies.  We need to remember which puppy you can do what with.  You can crawl and bang on Max.. minus his head... but you can't on Fresco.. he is just too little.  I know you love it and laugh like crazy when Fresco nibbles on your hand or licks your hand.. but please don't put your hand in Maxs mouth.  He won't bite but he really really dislikes it.  Lastly.. both of them shed like crazy so please try not to give them kisses with your mouth open and tongue sticking out... you come away with hair all over you and in your mouth and you detest when I clean you up after.  Think about it baby girl.

Lastly.. mommy is considering going overnight with papa to take great grandma to Mayo for her checkup.  Its in late October and daddy will be there with you.  I feel like I need to go princess but I don't know if I can go.  Just thinking about being away from you over night increases my heart rate and blood pressure and my anxiety is through the roof!!  So I'm mentioning this now so that we can both get used to the idea... and if we don't then I won't go.  Simple as that.  I would take you with me but I don't think a hospital is a place for my ella.

Don't forget mama loves you soooo much!
Love you baby girl Ella!

This song makes me smile..

I know I know... Taylor Swift?... sorry but I like her and this song makes me laugh and I like the creativity with the video.. although I'm pretty positive someone just made it?  Not sure.. either way.. I hope it makes you laugh too!

One eventful weekend!

We had a lovely weekend!  Starting off with a Kernels game Friday night!  Ellas first baseball game and our 2nd of the year.  We went with Michael's dad, sister, brother in law, and 2 nieces 1 nephew.  We got to be on the Mezzanine (sp?) and have all you can eat and drink!  The only time I really enjoy beer is at a baseball game :)  Got home by 9ish and Ella slept thru the night!!  She was EXHAUSTED! 

Saturday Michael had the day off and played in a softball tournament.  Ella and I went to their second game of the day.  It was fun!  It was a beautiful day and we love being outside!  Ella kept wanting to crawl all over the cement, rocks, and sand and eat every rock... luckily mommy was there so none actually made it to her mouth... we came home and left daddy to play some more and she took a big nap.. which meant I couldn't get much done.  We did go to hyvee with papa though. 

Saturday night I left baby girl and daddy to go to waterloo :)  haven't been there since like last summer!!  I can't believe how much it has changed and that its been 2 years since I graduated!  Miss Mattie was in town visiting so we met up at Kelseys house for the night!  We ate at Becks.. yummy.. got some movies and had some amazing frozen yogurt at some place I'd never heard of.  I got to play with Kels' puppies and itty bitty kitty .. loved it!! and seeing everyone was fun too!  This was the first night I wasn't there to put Ella to bed since shes had a bedtime... like 4-5months.  It was hard for me.. but she did great with daddy and daddy did great also.  And slept thru the night again!!! I got home at about 1215am... for some unknown reason I kept taking the wrong turn or missing my turns completely.. so a drive that should've been 45-50ish minutes was about 1.5hours...........

Sunday Ella and I hung out all day together and it was wonderful!  It also happened to be daddy/Michael's bday!!!  Happy birthday honey!  27.. phew hes old hehe...  he had to work however so it was mommy and ella.  He did have family dinner at night at his parents house.  His dad made beef stroganoff and better than sex cake delicious!!!!!  I had a HUGE piece.. I mean HUGE HUGE!  And I ate it all in like 5 minutes.  We got home at about 9 and Ella slept through the night again! yay!

The real excitement though happened on our way to dinner at his parents.... it was Ella and I and we were driving on the Marion by-pass and we turned onto east post rd and what happens?  a flipping deer runs into my car... literally ran into my car door... first accident with miss ella... scared me to death.  We were all ok.. well the deer didn't even make it off the road but the important ones are safe.  I couldn't believe it!  It was like... boom (I don't remember the noise).. then fur flying all over the car and on me (my window was down... and that I do remember).. then brakes and onto the shoulder... get out of my car with a slightly harder push than usual on my door.. and take out baby ella who was screaming bloody murder but as soon as I opened her door and she saw me she stopped pretty much.

There we have it... an eventful weekend to say the least... oh and sunday morning mattie got into an accident in cedar falls!  Someone failed to understand you can't do a U-Turn when there is a car driving right next to you.. she had to get a rental due to her car no longer drivable.. thank goodness mine still is.. I just have to get in on the passenger door..........

 It hit right by my tire and then proceeded to roll along side my car.. rather than go over or under it...

 See all that fur??  nothing compared to what came in my car...

We are good to go!! 

Hopefully the week will be just as fun as the weekend.. minus a deer dying..

laundry, books, playtime

Laundry.. I actually enjoy doing the laundry.  It is just a kind of mundane task that doesn't take much thinking.  Ella likes it too.. in fact she prefers to unfold the clothes.  Well our washer/dryer is in the basement, which my husband and our families finished a couple years ago.  It is quite nice down there :)

If you've ever done laundry with a crawling baby then you probably realize you must have toys or something around to distract them for a few minutes.. so we keep a 'bucket' of toys in the basement.. along with three bookshelves, a treadmill, and some furniture..  so Ella plays with all of these... specifically she likes one our beer koozies and hitting it on the treadmill.  not sure why. 

Alas.. I like to read to Ella.. specifically I like to read her my books out loud while she plays.  So she plays while I switch the laundry.. she unfolds the laundry as I fold and refold it... then she gets bored and goes off to playing some more so I read out loud.

Currently we are reading a rather hopefully will get better book.  We only read it when we are downstairs so randomly we will find a daddy long legs spider on it.. yuck!  So this book is called The Book of the Heart  By Louisa Young.  I picked it up close to two years ago at a cheap book store.  Looks interesting.. I mean the cover is full of art!  Well it begins by going through the times of the world and their understanding and development of knowledge of the heart and its workings.. currently the subject is how the heart actually works and what can go wrong with it.. using medical terms .. which is beyond my reading aloud ability but I make do. 

This is one way we make sure we read and it makes it a little easier to read the books I realize too late I don't really want.. I'm sure this one will get better.. just have to get past all the big words :)

Sometimes we have to be creative and we certainly enjoy our laundry, books, and playtime!

food :)

I am sitting here at work thinking about food.  And I realize.. I am totally craving a lot of food.

Heres a list of my current must haves for food-

McDonalds spicy chicken mcbites with sweet n sour sauce
Wendys spicy chicken nuggets with honey mustard
Blimpies tuna sandwich with smoked cheddar lettuce, mayo, honey mustard on white
Hersheys bar with fritos
Vanilla shake
Nutty bars and Doritos sweet n spicy chips and a pepsi
Chef salad with crunchy croutons
Ritz Bitz cheese and crackers with kit kat bar and a pepsi twist
Cottage cheese and cantaloupe

wow so I pretty much want unhealthy food! Surprise surprise!  oh well.. its not all unhealthy.

Unfortunately we are not having any of that for food this week.. well maybe the salad and cottage cheese...

whats on the menu for us?

Tonight: ham and scalloped potatoes (from a box :( it takes too much time to do potatoes with miss ella)
Tomorrow: curry chicken and rice in the crock pot
Friday: Pasta of some sort
Saturday: out!
Sunday: Family Dinner.. not at our house :)
Monday: Chicken and rice (never made it before :/)
Tuesday: Tacos

I will have to hang on to my cravings for a bit yet... oh but I can still think about them!!

mmmmmmm

Small Steps

Lately I have been not wanting to do a damn thing.  I don't know why and it bothers me.  I want to change my lifestyle in so many ways.. yet I don't even try to accomplish this. I think I may have been going about it in the wrong way...

It reminds me of being in school again and having to organize and have small goals that lead to major goals... you know like 3 big projects due in one week... well first figure out what your doing, then when you need each thing done, how many pages do you need to do for each, etc. etc... I was good at this in school.. which is why I usually ended up being the 'leader' of groups for class.  I forgot this mentality as motherhood inconspicuously took front stage.

Well.. enough of that!  I need to 'get back to myself' or rather merge the two.  Yes I need to be a mother and yes I thoroughly enjoy being a mother and yes lists can work great for being a mother.. but when I get off that list I just throw it away rather than re-organize.. you know when another professor throws in an early exam.  Deal with it and move on.

So here we are again life and goals.. I'm no longer looking at the 'big picture' but rather the small steps I must take to complete the picture.  So my goals of us eating healthy, losing weight, spending time together, money, and fixing up the house are gone!

It feels rather liberating!  I have been so concerned with these things that its put me in  a down mood for awhile.. and what gets done when you are in a poor mood for so long?  nothing!  So here's to changing attitudes!  As my last negative note in this post... it is irritating that I used to be able to be so calm and positive about most things.. even labor.. and now I'm so paranoid and worried about everything.. I need that part of me back.. without it hurting being a mom.

My deal to myself and my family.. enjoy the times we sit around and do nothing and eat on the couch/floor, and laugh when I see something in the house that needs replaced or fixed, savor every bite of my unhealthy food when I have it, look at myself and be happy that I have reached my pre-pregnancy weight.. even if the fat is in different places, and most of all look at all the material things we do have and not worry about those we don't. 

Small steps.. break things down..

New small goal for the week: drink more water.. seems reasonable.. maybe next week I'll change it to another goal.

Heres to enjoying life and all it gives you!

sleep deprived..

sleep.  a five letter word.  everyone needs it.  not everyone gets it. 

i used to go to bed after midnight and get up at 11am... then came Ella... goodbye sleep.

she was an amazing baby though and was sleeping 6-9hours straight every night by 7weeks!  i loved it.  i can live on less sleep.. obviously but man oh man i craved sleep and unfortunately even with sleeping in that long stretch I still didn't get more than 5 because of everything i had to do.. well decided i had to do.

eventually she started sleeping 10-12 hours a night.. 8-7 generally.  now this was amazing.  no other way to describe it.  amazing.  i was getting 8-9 hours a night again!  woohoo!  besides the random times she would get a cold.. but honestly it would only be a night maybe two that she wouldn't sleep that long.

then july hit.  all of a sudden.. she was waking up like 3-4 times a night or refusing to go to bed before 10 or getting up before 7!  july 7 or early morning on the 8th she woke up every 15minutes for over an hour and a half... 1am 115am 130am 145am etc.  she would fall asleep as soon as i picked her up but 15min later she would wake up!  low and behold.. the next morning she had 2 teeth!  ok got it.  no big deal.

except.. it didn't stop there.  sure it got better.. she was only waking up 2 maybe 3 times a night... and then there were maybe 4-5days of blissful full night of sleep. 

 guess what though!  it started again.... now i'm back down to less than 4-5hours a night because she wakes up as soon as i put her down... once an hour for 4 hours a night.  however she did get another tooth yesterday.. so heres hoping itll get better again.  but i hear teeth always come in pairs which means another should be here any day.

i love my sleep.  sleep is definitely in my top 5 things to do at the moment.  I just have to keep telling myself its not going to last forever and there is nothing you can do about it.  let her cry?  sure but it doesnt work.  rock her?  sure she loves it but then i dont get to sleep.  bring her into bed with me and michael?  ok.  we have tried this 2 times now and it has helped her sleep better.. but not us.  too paranoid something will happen to her when she is right next to me!  I even knocked over my glass of water next to the bed last night.. and it got all over my phone and the remote to the tv.. oops.

it just feels so horrible that i can't really do anything help her.. and it makes me angry at myself when i get frustrated because i'm tired.  but like i said.. it won't be forever.. take it as it comes.

heres to a good nights sleep!

a little summer review

Apparently I have been busy this summer.. with one thing in particular.. reading! 

Ella and I were organizing/cleaning our guest room/storage room this past weekend and I looked at my bookshelves and realized what a complete mess they are!  The reason being I haven't put any of the books I've read/bought this summer away.  They are just sitting there in front of other books.  I hate this.  I like to keep all my books so I can look at them anytime and reference if need be.  If I can't see them all then how can I do either of those!

Therefore I started putting away the books.. then realized how many there were.  So I stacked up the majority of.. some I had lent out and did not have and other were around the house or at work... but after I stacked them up I realized that I have read around 30 books since May.  Each book has at least 300 pages.. most have close to 500. 

I realize people may think that I have too much time on my hands, but I assure you I haven't been reading my summer away... I am in fact a mother of an 8month old crawler.  I rarely read at home and when I do its after Ella goes to bed and it is a very short time because I tend to spend it with my husband and going to bed early.  Since my boss was on vacation for most of July I was able to read then.. which tells me that we were very slow that month.  It happens though. 

I happen to be a fast reader... and some of the books are romance/mystery/fantasy books with which I tend to skim paragraphs .... other books have been very challenging.. and others have hit home to some of my hopes and fears. 

I am impressed with myself and love of reading.  I hope Ella will have the same joy I do with books.

I just love looking at this pile and realizing it wasn't even all of them!  I can't wait to add more to my list.. see how many I can read by the end of August.. which to me is the end of summer. 

Enjoy the day!